Today my Grandmother would have been 90 years old. She wanted to live to see this birthday. She talked about it all the time, until she couldn't talk any longer. She always talked about her brother Paul, who lived to be 92. I often wonder if she still thought about it after she had her stroke and could no longer communicate. I wonder if she wished to be healed or if she wished to go home to be with her Savior. I know for me personally, I would not have wanted to live like she did for those 4 years.
I want to cry today because I miss her, but I am so blessed to have had her for so long so at the same time I want to rejoice that she is no longer suffering. I broke down the other day when I was playing around in my family tree on ancestry.com. My mom had logged in and updated my grandmother's date of death, but I had not logged in to see it. When I did log in, I saw that there was a leaf on my grandmother's name. It was just the Social Security Death Index, but it really hit me that she was gone. I don't think I really grieved when she died. I mean she died on Thanksgiving and I had friends from out of town visiting and then there was the whirlwind trip to North Carolina and back in 36 hours for her burial.
Recently, Neely's mother told me that I was wrong for taking Daniel to see my grandmother when she was in the nursing home after her stroke. She said it was wrong of me to take him and Will & Clayton to the viewing after she had died. She said that was horrible parenting to expose them to that. I don't honestly care what she thinks to be honest and I told her as much. But you see, I just wanted Daniel to know her like Sarah & James did. I wish she could have read to him like she did with Sarah, James, Alison & Lauren - book after book on her lap and she never got tired. I am so sad that he never got to experience that. I am so sad that she never sang him the duck song that she sang to me and later taught to Sarah & James. It breaks my hear that he doesn't know the "Great" that Sarah & James knew. I just wanted him to know her and know that she was important to us and a huge part of our family.
So she didn't quite make it to 90 like she wanted to, but she was a beautiful soul, with a loving, giving spirit and I will celebrate her 89 years, 8 months, and 25 days today. I will tell Daniel stories about her and hope he grows to love her as much as I did and still do.
I want to cry today because I miss her, but I am so blessed to have had her for so long so at the same time I want to rejoice that she is no longer suffering. I broke down the other day when I was playing around in my family tree on ancestry.com. My mom had logged in and updated my grandmother's date of death, but I had not logged in to see it. When I did log in, I saw that there was a leaf on my grandmother's name. It was just the Social Security Death Index, but it really hit me that she was gone. I don't think I really grieved when she died. I mean she died on Thanksgiving and I had friends from out of town visiting and then there was the whirlwind trip to North Carolina and back in 36 hours for her burial.
Recently, Neely's mother told me that I was wrong for taking Daniel to see my grandmother when she was in the nursing home after her stroke. She said it was wrong of me to take him and Will & Clayton to the viewing after she had died. She said that was horrible parenting to expose them to that. I don't honestly care what she thinks to be honest and I told her as much. But you see, I just wanted Daniel to know her like Sarah & James did. I wish she could have read to him like she did with Sarah, James, Alison & Lauren - book after book on her lap and she never got tired. I am so sad that he never got to experience that. I am so sad that she never sang him the duck song that she sang to me and later taught to Sarah & James. It breaks my hear that he doesn't know the "Great" that Sarah & James knew. I just wanted him to know her and know that she was important to us and a huge part of our family.
So she didn't quite make it to 90 like she wanted to, but she was a beautiful soul, with a loving, giving spirit and I will celebrate her 89 years, 8 months, and 25 days today. I will tell Daniel stories about her and hope he grows to love her as much as I did and still do.
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