I want a baby.

There.  I said it.  Out loud too.

I can't explain this desire, but I can tell you that it's beginning to become an obsession.  I want one more, one last baby.  Neely says no way, no how.  My kids, except Daniel, say no way as if their opinion really mattered anyway.  Daniel does, in fact, say he wants a little sister, but I imagine that most of that is because he got to cuddle and play with Nicole's Bailey when they visited us for Thanksgiving.  I think if I asked him if he wanted a new train he'd forget all about a baby sister.  He did tell me that I should go to the baby store, though.  :D

I'm not gonna lie, having a baby right now is probably not the best idea I've ever had.  Financially we're in a shaky place.  Neely hasn't worked a full work week in probably a month.  There is some work for him, but not enough to keep him bringing home a full pay check.  Additionally, Will & Clayton have only lived here since July.  Coming up on 5 months, but still, I think adding a new family member to the household might make their adjustment here harder.  And I don't want to do that.

But I want a baby.  My friend thinks I'm crazy.  I'm 37 years old.  I'd be 38 by the time any baby would be born.  Advanced Maternal Age.  I hate that.  But because of that I would be classified as high risk and they would want me to do all sorts of tests.  And there is a significant risk.  Still, I want a baby.

I don't think any one can understand this desire unless you have ovaries.  My mom is convinced that a woman always has the desire to have babies until she can't any more.  I'm not so sure of that, but at least she gets it.  My JustMommies friends do, too.  Neely, however, does not.  And his opinion is a big factor in this, unfortunately.  I'm really trying to accept his opinion and just move on, but it's hard.  Oh so hard.  I want a baby.