Keepin' it real

It's about to get really real, up in here.

Growing up, I encountered many families with varying backgrounds and sizes. But I can only think of one or two that were blended or where the parents were divorced. So my experience with this blended family thing has mostly been trial and error. Lots of error. I'm not going to beat myself up for the mistakes that I've made, that we've made, but I know that I want to learn from them and, Lord hep me, not repeat them. But it is so hard. So very very hard.

Raising my bigs, Sarah & James, I felt like I always had extra kids in the house. They had half-siblings on their dad's side, who I adore, so sharing my time and love with someone else's child was not new to me. But raising someone's child? A whole new world. Part of the problem is that it's near impossible to communicate with W&C's mom and co-parent with her, so we end up making headway and then they spend time with their mom and it's all undone. I don't blame W&C (well, sometimes I do, that's the error part I was talking about) because I know that they are just kids who want to be loved, need to be loved, unconditionally. Try as I might, unconditional love just doesn't come as easily as it does with your birth children. Like I said, I'm just keepin' it real. I love W&C yes, but I know and I'm sure they know, it's not the same way that I love my own children. And I know that they don't love me the same way they love their mom. I don't believe they should, anyway. If it were just W&C here, I think it would be easier, but we have Daniel and Keelan, so I know they can see the difference. It's not intentional, it just is. I don't know how to change my heart, though. I want reach them in a way that is special, but I get met with resistance, which I can only assume is them feeling not loyal to their mom. I also feel like they can probably sense that I'm working at it - it should be natural. But it's not.

We are about to be back in court with their mom. She has filed a petition to regain custody. Neely and I are optimistic that we will prevail, as is our attorney, but it's an annoyance. A fight that we did not need or want. W&C know about it (from her, not us) and I know it that it causes them stress. They don't know if they are coming or going. Their mom has told them that it's practically a done deal and just as soon as we go to court, they will be back with her. We have not discussed it with them at all because we don't want to add to their burden. We don't want them to feel like they need to choose between their dad and their mom. We don't want them to worry. Things here are status quo.

We're fighting for them because we know this is the best place for them. They need stability and consistency. And love. Only I'm not so sure that I demonstrate the latter to the best of my ability. I'm ashamed to say it, but it's truth. It's real.

New Year's Eve and Breast Milk Shots

What do those things have in common? Well everything if you're in my circle of friends. It was an interesting night to say the least.

Neely and I went to a party at a friend's house for NYE. We left Keelan and Daniel at home with Sarah and Will & Clayton were with their mom. Since this was only the second time since his birth that I've left Keelan alone for more than an hour, I needed to pump while we were gone. At one point in the evening I started chatting with a friend about my recent Facebook posts, about the Kasey Kahne NIP (nursing in public) comment and why I was so passionate about a woman's right (and baby's right to eat) to nurse anywhere, anytime. Another friend overheard us and started going on and on and about his girlfriend's sister who had spilled breast milk on the kitchen counter, where he prepares food and how grossed out he was by it. He compared it to him putting semen on the counter. He had had a few drinks, as did I, so I went to my purse and grabbed my bag of freshly pumped milk and started chasing him around the kitchen. Later, his girlfriend (who is pregnant, by the way) told me to put some milk in his beer. I told her I would give her a bit and she could do it, but I didn't think I could. She couldn't get him to put his beer down long enough, so since the milk was in a shot glass, she poured some orange juice concoction into it and tried to get him to take a shot. The drink was cloudy so he caught on right away and refused to drink it. At this point the host of the party (who is also equally grossed out by breast milk) grabbed the shot glass and tried to get guy #1 to drink it, all the while the drink is spilling all over his hand and arm. Me? I'm nearly peeing my pants laughing at all this and I could hardly talk to tell them to stop before another friend offered to man up and drink the shot. And he did. On the up side, he said it kept him from having a hangover the next day. *giggle*

Dear Target:

Breastfeeding is not obscene. See?

Recently in a Houston, Texas area Target, a breastfeeding mom was harassed and humiliated for breastfeeding, discretely, in the store. Yesterday, a nationwide Nurse-in was staged in more than 250 Target stores in 35 states across the country and even in Canada. Here I am with one other mom, nursing our babes in our local Target.

Also? Have you seen NASCAR driver Kasey Kahne's Twitter debacle after he encountered a nursing mom in a grocery store?

Kasey later apologized on his Facebook page, stating in part:

My comments were not directed at the mother’s right to breastfeed. They were just a reaction to the location of that choice, and the fashion in which it was executed on that occasion.

But clearly, based on the above, he still has no idea.

23 Years ago today ...

I met a tiny little baby girl who stole my heart.  I have never ever been the same.  Happy Birthday to my oldest, my sweet baby girl, Sarah Michelle!

I love you more than sunshine!

My kid is funny

So funny, in fact, that I often update my Facebook status with the hilarious, random things he says.  I was doing that several times a week so I decided to make a fan page for him.  Stuff Daniel Says is Daniel's new Facebook fan page.  Be sure to "like" it and follow along with us.  

His most recent, while on the way to the dentist today I said "I want you to be a big boy and not scream today." He said, "OK mom, but if something hurts, it will be appropriate to scream, right?"  Appropriate?  What?  Seriously boy, you're 6!